nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
