Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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