my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
