OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
