i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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