Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
