I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
