Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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