check it out our google latitudes are spooning
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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