Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
