you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
