Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
