I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
