i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
