I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
