Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
