trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
