What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
