I'm gonna have a badass scar
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
