Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
