i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I AM VODKA MAN
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
