I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
