do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
