he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
