Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
