Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
