while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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