i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
