They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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