What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
