dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize