I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
