I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
