pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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