Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
