After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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