glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
