Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
