This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize