this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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