Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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