he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
