i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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