why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
