So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
