he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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