So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
