Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
