The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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