Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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