so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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