i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
