I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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