Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
