you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
