OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
