drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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