It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
