He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
