I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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