I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
