I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
