Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
