Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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