Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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