I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This girl is more easily done than said...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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