My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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