lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
