I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
