Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
