I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
