Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
