just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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