Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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