I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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