I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I will pee on everything he values.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
